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There are times when we actually can’t control everything, we just need to know we made choices that were right for us. Imperfect but informed choices are what mothers do!
I want every mother to have a birth that’s exactly what motherhood will be – preparing, trying to control what we can, being empowered to make choices about what we can’t and respecting ourselves enough to know that we owned the moment as best we could.
Whatever the physical experience, the most natural birth is just a mother deciding what she thinks she should do at the time.
I will give you the tools and empower you to do that with confidence.
See this face? This face is full of fear and uncertainty. This face belongs to me.
As I lay on the theatre bed while giving birth to my daughter I felt a whole heap of emotions. I was exhausted from 30 hours of labour and the way by birth had unfolded was a far cry from the romantic, candle lit homebirth I had planned. I had been wheeled into theatre for a category 2 emergency caesarean section at full dilation.
In between vomiting and shaking, a whole host of questions were spinning in my mind…How did I get here? Did my body fail me? Why can’t I birth my baby ‘naturally?’ What does this mean or say about me as a mother?
I know now that I failed at nothing, I birthed my baby. I know now that the way in which my birth unfolded says nothing about my mothering skills and doesn’t mean I ‘gave up’ or had an ‘easy way out’. Quite the opposite. I am powerful. I am capable and I will act accordingly- and you should too!
Compare this with the second photo. I’m relaxed and you can even see some tears of happiness. Even though I planned a VBAC and it unfolded as another caesarean I felt amazing because I :
I still planned for a vaginal birth, but this time, when things started to unfold differently I felt like I was making the choices – they were in no way the ones I planned, but they were still mine.
As my children, my relationship and my family all grow – and looking back at when I was young and all the choices I’ve made since then – I realise why I was not just relaxed but really elated when I had my second caesarean. It was because all our choices are imperfect; the imperfect choices at birth were just the beginning of a lifetime of choices under pressure that I’ll make as I grow my family.
I was so moved by the difference between my first and second births I had to share the experience.
First births can sometimes feel like they carry the weight of our aspirations as mothers, the start of our family, the next stage of our parents family all in one go.
First births can be a bit traumatic that way. At the very least, at that stage in a woman’s life it’s the biggest thing you’ll do and there’s no way to practice for it.
The preparation for second time mums is usually just avoiding the worst bits of the first time. We can do so much better.
If men gave birth, maternity leave would start at conception and end when the child’s 5 years old. Also, there would be all kinds of free classes, TV programmes and so on about how to make time number 2 better than time number 1.
I want to help you to take the best of your experiences and address the worst.
